A Good Nanny Read online

  A Good Nanny

  A Short Story

  by Barbara House

  Copyright 2011 Barbara House. All Rights Reserved.

  Table of Contents

  A Good Nanny

  About the Author

  Copyright and Acknowledgements

  A Good Nanny

  Maude Barrow relaxed at her pink Formica kitchen table, read the Tribune and drank her fifth cup of coffee of the morning. She placed her coffee mug on the pile of unpaid bills that formed a mound on her table. Mindlessly, she snuffed out her cigarette. Then she lit up the next and smoked it down to the filter, holding it in her yellowed fingers. She picked at her graying hair she’d rolled up in hard plastic curlers. The newspaper was not producing any jobs that seemed to catch her eye until she read: Help Wanted, Nanny for two young children ages seven and ten. Experienced and with references only need respond. Must apply in person.

  Maude seized her cigarettes and coffee, humming to herself as she shuffled around in her oversized slippers. She went into the bedroom portion of her studio apartment that consisted of a twin bed, a metal desk and a chair. There, she sat down at her ancient computer and created an extensive resume of childcare and private au pair work. Next, she produced elaborate letterheads with the names of prominent West Side La-Ti-Das, carefully selecting each one based on the numbers and ages of children she extracted from the society pages. Every letter highly recommended her for the job.

  After she had the documents in order, she went into the bathroom and painted on her new face. The weather and cigarettes had leathered her skin, and her eyes were bloodshot from drinking the night before. She drew on her eyebrows in a high arch and shaded her eyelids bright blue. The lipstick she favored was “Irresistible Rouge.”

  She soaked her dentures in a glass as she combed out her new Clairdye Number 98 hair. After she ran the dryer, she teased her hair into a stunning bouffant and sprayed it into place with half a can of Aqua Set. Then, she went to the other corner of the room and pulled out a second-hand, navy blue suit with a white blouse and sensible black shoes. As she dressed, she looked at herself in the cracked mirror front ways and sideways and sucked on her cigarette with satisfaction.

  Maude slowly walked down the four flights of stairs that led to the sidewalk and bright daylight. The harshness of the sun blinded her eyes. She rooted through her handbag and slapped on her cat’s eye sunglasses and stood at the bus stop, hoping to catch the Number 5 to Columbia Court. The bus was running late and she worried that someone, anyone, could get to that job before she did.

  * * *

  It was half past noon when Maude arrived at 1452 Columbia Court. The summer heat made her sweat through her white blouse and she could feel the wetness run down her back. Deodorant, oops, she thought. She reached into her handbag and grabbed the forged papers and a flask of whiskey and paged through the documents as she took a large swig from the flask. Then, she rang the doorbell and waited. A few moments passed and the door opened. A gentleman stood there in an immaculate black suit, white gloves and perfectly polished black shoes.

  “May I help you, ma’am?” the gentleman asked.

  “Um, yes, It’s miss and I’m here about the position in the paper for a nanny,” Maude said.

  “Very well, miss, please come in,” the gentleman said.

  Maude entered the house into a four-story foyer. A large, round table stood in the center and in the middle of that sat an arrangement of flowers more spectacular than she had ever seen, even at the best funerals. She placed her handbag on the table and looked straight up. The stairs spiraled all the way up to the ceiling.

  “If you would, please follow me into the solarium. The lady of the house will join you there shortly,” the well-dressed man said.

  Well off enough to have a butler, all righty, Maude thought.

  While she waited in the solarium, she heard rustling in the enormous exotic plants that hugged the floor-to-ceiling windows. She turned her head to try to follow the noise but the sound moved too fast. Perhaps a cat or some small pet or even one of the children, she thought. Maude sat down on a beautiful white rattan chair and passed the time. On the end table next to her stood a silver tray with a large pitcher of iced lemonade and two tall glasses. Just the sight and smell of the luscious lemons made her mouth turn dry as a desert. Boy, that would go good with my whiskey, hey, that’s an idea, she thought. But before she could act, a woman came into the room.

  “Good afternoon, miss, is it?” the woman asked.

  “Yes, Miss Maude Barrow,” she said, standing up with a slight curtsey.

  “Well, I am Mrs. Randolph H. Munford. I assume that you are here about advertisement in the Tribune for a nanny.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I am. Here are my papers.”

  “They all look in order. I can see you have perfect references, but are you a good nanny?” Mrs. Munford tilted her head sideways and looked up and down at Maude.

  “The best as they come, ma’am.” Maude felt quite uncomfortable with the visual once-over.

  “Our children are unique, Miss Barrow. They don’t have special needs, as some would say, but they have requirements, you see.”

  “I can handle the worst of the lot of them.”

  “Oh, they are not problems, they are angels. But we need not go into that right now. If you leave your papers here, you will be contacted when I have made my decision.”

  As soon as the word “decision” came out of Mrs. Munford’s mouth, Maude noticed the butler had reappeared and was gently motioning her toward the front of the house. She stopped and stared at the huge portraits of the Munford family ancestors and noticed that they all looked very much alike. Not one painting showed a hint of a smile. Just the clothes were different. The stiff little acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree around here, she thought.

  The butler showed Maude out the door and back into the heat of the day. Maude put her sunglasses back on and considered stopping for a cocktail on the way home, but it was still a bit early. Even she didn’t start up in earnest until three o’clock.

  * * *

  So, she took the Number 6 bus back to her building. She checked her mailbox and then huffed up the four flights of stairs. Once she reached her apartment, she slammed the door shut and ripped off her suit and kicked off her shoes. She turned on the radio to the country and western station and peeled off her pantyhose. She plopped herself in front of the fan that sat on her kitchen table and lit a cigarette. It had to be three o’clock somewhere in the world. With that, she stood up, went to the cupboard, took down the bottle of Wild Turkey and poured herself a drink. The hot, burning liquor was like candy down her throat. Just as she poured her second shot, the phone rang.

  “Hello?” Maude answered.

  “Hello, this is Mrs. Munford. Is this Miss Barrow?” The woman spoke with perfect enunciation.

  “Yes, it is.” Maude primped her hair, put out her cigarette and blew the smoke to one side.

  “Would you come back to my residence tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. sharp? I believe we have some business to discuss.”

  “Ma’am, I can be there today, if you want.”

  “No, tomorrow is soon enough. I will be expecting you.”

  Maude hung up the phone, danced a floozy dance around her apartment in her underwear and drank her second shot. Hot damn! she thought.

  * * *

  At 7:55 a.m., Maude stood at the front door of Munford’s house, checking her makeup and armpits, hoping that she didn’t smell like booze. She tugged on her second-hand slate gray suit that didn’t fit quite right. This day, she’d included white gloves and a string of fake pearls. After one ring, the butler opened the door.

  “Miss Barrow, we’ve been expecting you,” he said, offering his arm as a
directional signal. “May I take your handbag?”

  “No thanks, er . . .”

  “It’s Hobart, miss.”

  “No thanks, Hobart. Nice to meet you.”

  “The pleasure is all mine, miss.”

  Hobart led Maude into the library and offered her a seat across from an oversized cherry desk. She sat down and crossed her ankles and waited. And she waited. Finally, Mrs. Munford entered the library in a teal dressing gown with a Papillion dog in her arms and sauntered toward the desk. Maude jumped up from the chair and stood practically at attention.

  “Miss Barrow, how nice of you to be so prompt,” Mrs. Munford said. “This is Teddy. You two will need to get acquainted.”

  Maude watched as she placed the little rat-dog on its own blue pillow. “Of course, ma’am,” Maude said. She hoped the job didn’t come with dog walks and poop scooping.

  “Now, let’s get down to business, Miss Barrow.” Mrs. Munford sat down at the desk. “I would like to employ you as the nanny for our two dear children, Randy, Jr. and Betsy. You would live in, of course, and tutor them in subjects that they are having trouble with in school.”

  “Of course, I’m prepared for that, ma’am,” Maude said, knowing well enough that she dropped out of school in the tenth grade.

  “I will pay you a good salary and I will expect only the best behavior and obedience from our children. There are just a few instructions that you must agree to and sign a statement that if you fail any of them, you will be terminated without notice and without discussion. Do you understand me?”

  “Ma’am, I’ll sign whatever you want me to.”

  “Here are the conditions that I had our lawyer draw up just for this occasion. Please read them carefully and initial each line and sign and date it at the bottom. Hobart is also a notary.”

  Maude glanced over the contract, initialed each line and signed at the bottom. Just as she was about to date the document, she noticed one clause, “You Will Not Feed the Children.”

  “You mean, I’m not supposed to spoon feed the children?”

  “No, I mean you are not to feed the children at all.”

  “But, I’ll be their nanny. What if they’re hungry?”

  “We will not discuss this any further. I think the instructions are clear. Now, you will either sign this or be on your way.”

  Maude thought about it, shrugged, dated the contract and returned it to Mrs. Munford.

  “Good, Hobart will show you to your room. Once you get settled, you can meet my husband, Mr. Munford, and the children, of course.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Maude turned around and followed Hobart into the foyer. I’ve got it made in the shade, now, she thought as she climbed the spiral staircase to the fourth floor and went into her room.

  * * *

  Maude looked around her new bedroom. It was larger than her apartment and much more comfortable. Her bed was soft and bouncy and the carpet was soft and spongy. There was a perfect bath attached to the room that had both a tub and a shower with a skylight. She opened the closet and found ten black uniform dresses, all in her size, with three sets of shiny black shoes, also in her size. No need for my ratty old clothes, she thought.

  The grandfather clock in the foyer chimed at six o’clock. Maude remembered that the chimes called everyone to dinner. By this time, she was desperate for a cigarette, a drink and a little something to eat. So, she dressed in one of the black uniforms and started down the stairs. As she reached the second floor landing, someone, who she presumed was a maid of some kind, was carrying a tray of food.

  “Oh, Miss Barrow, no need to come all the way down,” the young maid said. “I’ve got your dinner here, piping hot, on the tray.”

  “I think you’re mistaken. I didn’t ask for my dinner in my room,” Maude insisted.

  “Well, miss, you’re to eat your meals in your room, so says the cook,” the maid continued.

  Maude and the maid went back up to the fourth floor and into her room. There, Maude took the tray and enjoyed a lovely bit of roasted chicken, peas and cobbler. Everything tasted wonderful. Included on the tray were a pack of Pall Malls and a pint of Wild Turkey. “I must be dreaming!” she said aloud. She lit up the cigarette, poured herself a shot of Wild Turkey and put her feet up on the cassock. After the second smoke and shot, she opened the dresser and pulled out new underthings and pajamas and settled in for the night.

  * * *

  The next morning at seven o’clock, Maude was dressed and ready for the day ahead. Just as her dinner had arrived the night before, the maid delivered her breakfast to her room and it was very tasty. As Maude went down the four circles of stairs, she heard the sound of laughing children. She immediately began to perspire and her stomach tightened as she walked into the living room. There was Mrs. Munford drinking coffee, Mr. Munford reading the financial paper, and Randy, Jr. and Betsy playing a board game on the carpet. It’s a picture out of freaking Country Living, she thought. Teddy, the rat-thing, let out a pitiful growl.

  “Miss Barrow, please come in and join us,” Mrs. Munford said. “This is Mr. Munford.”

  “Sir, my respects,” she said.

  “And, these are the children, of course,” Mrs. Munford went on.

  “Hello there, Randy, hello, Betsy,” Maude said, waving her hand like a puppet.

  “My name is Randolph!” the young boy asserted.

  “That’s right, Randolph,” she repeated, patting him on the head.

  “Miss Barrow will be your new nanny, children, and I expect that you will mind her,” Mr. Munford said over his paper.

  “Yes, Father,” the children said in unison.

  “All right, Miss Barrow, please take the children to the playroom and occupy them while we go out for the day,” Mrs. Munford said and kissed each child on the cheek.

  “OK, you two, let’s see what kind of trouble . . . fun we can get into,” Maude said, feeling the palms of her hands drip with sweat.

  The playroom was on the third floor. Randolph and Betsy ran ahead of Maude and slammed the door in front of her. When she opened it, she saw that they had every toy and game imaginable. It shouldn’t be too hard to occupy these kiddies, she thought.

  Betsy went straight for the rocking horse and rode it back and forth, beating the poor wooden thing to death with a riding crop. Randolph went for the toy soldiers, all of which he had killed off with what he called a New-kuler Bomb. Many of the dolls were headless and the stuffed toys were stuffing-less. After a few false starts, the three of them began to get to know each other. Maude figured out that Randolph was the oldest and took after his father while Betsy was still very young and cuddly in a creepy sort of way. They played Hide-and-Go-Seek, Twister and Checkers. Soon, an abrupt stop came to their games.

  “Miss Barrow, I’m hungry,” Betsy said.

  Oh God, what am I supposed to do now? Maude thought. “Well, it won’t be long before lunch. You can eat then.”

  “But I’m hungry NOW!”

  “I know, little one.”

  “Me, too,” Randolph said, rubbing his tummy.

  Maude looked up at the clock. It was only ten-thirty. Lunch wouldn’t be served until noon. She decided to leave the children in the playroom for a few minutes while she went to the kitchen to see what the cook was preparing. Maybe she could sneak a tidbit to them before the parents got home.

  When she reached the kitchen, the door was closed with the deadbolt in place. She knocked, and then pounded until the cook cracked the door open.

  “Yes, Miss Barrow, what is it?” the cook asked.

  “The children are hungry and it’s hours before lunch . . . ”

  “They’re HUNGRY?” And the door slammed shut and the bolt slid back into a locked position. “I’ll be right there,” the cook said from the other side.

  Maude waited there. All of a sudden, the cook appeared from behind her, nearly scaring her to death.

  “How’d you get here?” Maude asked.

  “There’s
a hidden passage way, to be used when needed.”

  “Well, can you feed these kids or not?”

  The cook opened her brown eyes wide and shook her head from side to side.

  “Surely, there’s a snack they can have until lunch is ready?”

  “We don’t serve snacks here, Miss Barrow. Now you’d better go and see to the children before they get into mischief.” And the cook disappeared.

  * * *

  Maude returned to the playroom to find the children trying to smash out one of the windows with a toy hammer. She noticed that the windows had bars on them.

  “All righty, that’s enough of that,” she said, taking the hammer away.

  “Are we going to eat?” Randolph asked.

  “I spoke with the cook and lunch will be soon, so we will just have to keep busy until it’s time. Do you have any homework?”

  Randolph hurried and got his math book.

  Maude looked at the book, then at Randolph, saw that he was studying fractions, and said “Oh, dear, I think it’s been a long time since I’ve been in school.”

  “You never went to school, you old shrew,” Randolph teased.

  “Listen, kid, I come from the school of hard knocks, and I know more about life than either of your pretty, porcelain parents,” Maude caught herself saying. “Perhaps Betsy has some reading that we all can do together, shall we?”

  Betsy brought out Peter Rabbit. So, they sat there listening to Betsy read P-P-P-Peter Wabbit until it was finally time for lunch.

  * * *

  The children flew down the stairs before Maude could release them from the playroom. Curious, she followed them downstairs into the dining room. Hobart greeted her rather abruptly.

  “Miss Barrow, your meal is waiting for you up in your room.”

  “Yes, I know, but I thought I should eat with the children since their parents aren’t home yet.”